Thursday, 05 March 2009
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God's Hand
Looking back at the last 7 months all I can see is God’s hand in every single aspect of my life. He was slowly chipping off old habits. Amazingly, the minute I asked Him to make me fall in love with Him again the process has sped to a point where all that is left from the old me is my name.
Hearing God’s voice, letting him take care of every single aspect of my life has been incredible. Yet still, I manage to doubt, loose faith and hope. All this change has not only happened in me but in many of my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I know God is getting ready to do something great. Those willing to face the challenges and trust God whole heartedly will make it.
After being on the edge of almost falling after my trip to China, God began to stir something up and I didn’t even know it. He began to tell me to let go of my best friend, then what I thought was someone interested in me made me go into an emotional breakdown to the point of almost going into a depression out of the fear of being rejected.
I realized I had to fall in love with God again. I needed to die to myself. This was when Philippians 3:7-11
He allowed me to spend some time alone, just God and me. I spent a whole month in Washington DC not knowing a single person there. He helped me find a church for the month, sending people who love unconditionally opening the doors of their homes without knowing me. I can truly say, it was Christ shining thru me because I could have never done it on my own. I became so sensitive to His voice, to His Holy Spirit. It was incredible how he spoke to me so clearly, what was surprising to me is that I had heard his voice all along and I always thought it was just my imagination. I remember Griselle telling me that I could not come back the same. I Dug into his word and just took in all he had to say.
This month wasn’t all about me though, he was teaching to see with his eyes, to feel with his heart, and my heart for missions just grew by being able to just be an instrument of God in the streets of DC. It wasn’t a great impact but I know that that’s what God wanted me to do.
Upon my return to West Palm Beach I had finally given my worries and anxieties when it came to relationships up to God. I figured who ever God had for me would notice me because of how I reflected Christ and not because I did anything to get noticed. The one person I had been thinking about I had “given up” on. I gave up worrying and thinking too much into things. The new me came back full of Gods love and joy, determined to give her all for Jesus.
This is where I always say that God has a sense of humor. When I finally stopped thinking about this person, God allowed him to see me. So after a month of “getting to know each other” with out ever talking about it, he finally ‘fessed up and said he liked me.
So far so good. Its been 4 months and God has shown us so much. We have learned a lot about each other and about ourselves. We have our struggles but we can whole heartedly say that God ha control of this relationship. When we try to take control things just don’t feel right.
More insight into the radical changes these past 4 months later. :D
Only God is GOOD.
Finished 3/5/09
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